The Fanti Man

Strangely enough, I got this from a good fanti friend of mine. I don’t know who wrote it though, but it’s funny as hell.

By no fault of his own, the regular Fanti Man has been born with a pre-independence White Man’s name hanging over his head. Some of them love to pretend it’s a burden, (though they love it!) and redeem their nativeness with indigenous first names. Paapa, Fiifi, Yoofi and Kojo are all time favourites. Kweku, Kwesi and other weekday names are also favored.

Kwamena Smith, or Yoofi Van Dyck are examples of such a curious combination. Your potential Fanti Man is pompous and self-opinionated and believes that the biggest offense committed against him is ‘accusing’ him of belonging to another tribe. His answer to a question like “Are you from X town?” invariably is “Of course not! I am Fanti, a Fanti from Dutch Komenda!”

Seeking education, meaning higher education, to the Fanti man is as natural as seeking rain after a long drought. In the days of the ‘Matric’ Exam, they were the Greek and Latin Scholars - leave the Sciences (physics, maths, add. Maths) to others, theirs was the Humanities. Even the Post-Matric Fanti man of the 2000’s still believes that nothing is as good as a University Degree, any degree from Legon or Tech will do -Cape Vars is out. While on Campus, they still behave like they used to in Adisco and Augustines. In nobody else is the old boy feeling deeper than in the Fanti man. This is one of their fewer good points, for they are very loyal to old friends (even when they are down).

This ‘old boy’ streak is carried into the Civil Service, which is the Fanti Man’s mainstay and Principal Secretary in a Ministry or General Manager in a private firm is his ultimate ambition. They are very rarely businessmen and even so their business achievements are commonplace and mediocre. If you’re a lady who believes in wealth and all its trappings, steer clear of the Fanti man because so long as government bungalows exists, the Fanti man will not build a house. When they get around to build a house, like their business acumen, their houses are uninspiring.

Your average Fanti man is stingy, and mean with chop money, even though he enjoys his food. If after reading this article ladies, your heart is still set to get your Fanti man rush into the kitchen and start frying. Fry anything, he’ll love it, as long as it is fried! As the Fanti proverb goes “a Fanti man builds his mansion in his stomach.”

In relationships they are dictators and act like domineering feudal lords. They tend to colonise their women. In appearance, speech and taste, no detail on his woman escapes his attention. Stubborn and authoritative, the Fanti man can be cruel if you so much as change your hairstyle without consulting him. On the plus side, he has a terrific sense of humor and is incredibly cheerful, though he can be petty, quarrelsome and can really sulk.
To know if you are the perfect match for the Fanti man,

1. Did you go to Wesley Girls High School? (Upper Six mind you!)
2. Can you cook very well (and bake pies?)
3. Are you Fanti yourself or at least a Ga lady from British Accra (Chokor is out!)
4. Do you wear hats and gloves to weddings (and enjoy it?)
5. Are you ready for picnics, packed lunches and sandwiches (for afternoon tea?)
6. Can you pretend to be his slave (forever?).

If you couldn’t tick any of the above, please don’t waste the Fanti man’s time, or yours. On the other hand if you do have one in mind, please act accordingly and as they say, book early to avoid disappointment and Good Luck!

There is another one for the Ga man just in case you are interested.

Tags: fanti, funny, tribes